


The Authenticity in Them

by signed_aj



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Coming Out, Established Relationship, Nonbinary Yamaguchi Tadashi, Other, Protective Tsukishima Kei, Tsukki is so in love, tsukkiyama - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:48:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28539129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/signed_aj/pseuds/signed_aj
Summary: In which, Tadashi realizes their importance to the people around them, no matter their gender identity.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 23
Kudos: 174





	The Authenticity in Them

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer : I'm not nonbinary. I'm relying entirely on information that I've gathered from the internet and from friends who've shared their own personal experiences with me. If something in this story is wrong, please feel free to let me know in the comments and I'll do my best to make it right.  
> I don't know if this is good either. It was an impulse oneshot.
> 
> Also thanks to my beta @harleybarley <3 much love

“Hey, Tsukki?” 

“Hm?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“No.” 

“Okay…”

“No, wait, now I want to know.” Tsukishima looked over, pulling his headphones off. 

“Now you don’t get to know,” Tadashi teased, looking away. 

Tsukishima shifted, making the bed move under them move, and wrapped an arm around Tadashi’s waist, pulling them together. He forced Tadashi’s head up so they were looking at each other. “Tell me.”

“Why should I?”

“Because you said okay like you were disappointed.”

“It’s not a big deal,” Tadashi assured, though it felt like the furthest thing from the truth.

“Tell me,” Tsukishima begged, kissing Tadashi’s cheek.

“I-” Suddenly it seemed stupid, like it should never have been brought up. It felt like being strangled by your own thoughts. Tadashi’s eyes closed to avoid Tsukishima’s, cheeks burning with something between embarrassment and worry. “I don’t know.”

Tsukishima connected their lips for only a moment, brushing back a strand of Tadashi’s hair. “You can tell me whatever it is.”

“I know.”

"Then why aren’t you telling me?”

“‘Cause you’re gonna think it’s weird. That _I’m_ weird.” 

Tadashi was not entirely sure that this was true. In fact, it most likely wasn’t. Their bond was something unlike many other people’s and that knowledge alone should have made it a lot less scary than it was. 

“Is something bad?” Tsukishima asked softly. 

“Well… I don’t think so. Other people might think it is, though.”

Tsukishima sighed, his breath brushing again Tadashi’s face. “Is it important to you?” 

Tadashi nodded a little and swallowed. “That’s why you’re the first person I’m telling. I just… I think you’re the easiest person to start with.”

“Well come on,” he urged, though he didn’t sound annoyed or irritated. He was curious. A hint of a smile making Tadashi’s heart lift considerably. “Tell me what is so big and important.”

Tadashi hesitated only a moment more. It was so important. Most likely one of the most important things that Tadashi would ever say out loud. Tsukishima deserved to know more than anyone else. It would make things easier in the long run, and Tadashi needed the support. Needed someone there to be supportive in the rough moments.

“I guess… I was wondering if you’d be okay with calling me something else?”

Tsukishima’s eyebrows knitted in confusion. “Like a different name?”

“Like… different pronouns.”

A wave of realization washed over his face. “Oh…” His arms tighten around Tadashi’s waist like they did when he wanted to make Tadashi feel safe or reminded that Tsukishima was still there. “What do you want to be called?”

“I was thinking maybe, they and them?”

“You think that fits you better?”

Tadashi nodded, feeling flush. “I think so. I just don’t really think that I fit under a certain gender. Like most days it doesn’t really bother me, but more recently there’s days when I don’t really like how I feel and I’d rather… I don’t, I don’t want to feel masculine like everyone else. I want to feel androgynous and wear things that don’t have to define me to one gender or I want to wear a skirt and maybe try…” Tadashi swallowed back anxiety. “Try makeup. I don’t know if that makes sense. Or if it’s weird…”

Tsukishima shook his head. “I’ll call you whatever you want to be called,” he assured, kissing Tadashi’s nose. “Whatever you feel most comfortable with.”

“Really?”

“Of course. I’m not an asshole- well… I’m not that kind of asshole.” 

Tadashi let out a long breath of relief, cheeks burning from the sudden vibrant smile that they couldn’t hold back anymore. 

“Thank you, Tsukki,” Tadashi sighed.

Tsukishima smiled as well, though his seemed to be more out of pride than relief. 

“God, anything that makes you smile like that, I’m happy to do.” 

* * *

Over the next few weeks, very little changed in Tadashi’s life, though it seemed as though the weight on their shoulders was no longer as heavy as it had been. Tsukishima was more than accepting of the change, making a point of using the correct pronouns even when he thought Tadashi had left the club room or was too distracted by schoolwork to hear him. 

“Where’d Tadashi go? He forgot his knee pads,” Hinata announced from the club room, though Tadashi was already nearing the door again having come to this realization already. 

“They left for the gym already,” Tsukishima said through gritted teeth. 

One thing Tadashi had not been prepared for was Tsukishima getting protective over what other people called Tadashi, even though he was the only one that knew of the change. Tadashi often caught Tsukishima looking towards them to make sure they weren’t being made uncomfortable by people using the wrong pronouns.

“People have been using the wrong pronouns for a long time, Tsukki. It doesn’t bother me very much,” Tadashi assured when Tsukishima brought up his concerns. “If they knew I went by something else and intentionally kept calling me ‘he’ then it’d bother me, but you’re the only one that knows.” 

Tsukishima noted this, though he didn’t stop gritting his teeth when people misgendered Tadashi. It was endearing how much he cared.

Tadashi had even found tabs open on Tsukishima’s computer, looking up things like ‘nonbinary facts’, ‘what is gender dysphoria’, ‘how to help ease gender dysphoria’, and ‘gender-neutral nicknames’. 

These were things that made Tadashi’s heart beat a little faster. A year before, their search history looked very similar to Tsukishima's, though the results then sometimes felt like a burden for Tadashi to carry all on their own. Now Tsukishima knew about things that plagued Tadashi on a far too regular basis. 

Anxieties and fears of not fitting in or feeling normal. How somedays Tadashi didn’t feel like they belonged in their own body because they’d been misgendered one too many times that day. Tsukishima now understood the panic attacks that came out of nowhere, the need not to be touched because everything felt wrong all of a sudden, the way Tadashi would sometimes put their hair up and then take it down and then put it up and take it down again over and over again for thirty minutes straight. 

It was easier to breathe when Tadashi knew that Tsukishima was there for all of the things that came with this new thing in both of their lives. 

“Hey, Tsukishima!” Nishinoya said, sliding across the bench where Tsukishima was taking a break from practice. “You should tell Tadashi that his serves are looking great. He’s improving so fast, I can’t even keep up with it half the time.”

Tadashi cringed from where they were standing on the court, getting ready to throw up another serve. Tsukishima’s eyes were stone cold behind his glasses. It looked like he might push Nishinoya right off the bench at any moment.

“They’re right over there, why don’t you go tell them yourself?” Tsukishima snapped, nodding his head in Tadashi’s direction.

Nishinoya flushed at Tsukishima’s anger. “Right…”

Hinata set down his water bottle on the bench where Nishinoya had just stood from and looked at Tsukishima for several long moments. 

“What?” Tsukishima asked, leaning away from Hinata’s stare.

“Why do you keep calling Tadashi ‘they’? You’ve been doing it for weeks. Is Tadashi secretly multiple people?”

Tadashi’s heart leaped, landing right in their throat. The ball they’d been spinning between their fingers dropped to the floor, bouncing away. Tsukishima looked up to Tadashi, both of them with worry and a thousand questions bouncing around behind their eyes.

“Uh… Daichi?” Tadashi called, looking towards Daichi where he and Sugawara were working on spikes. “Can we talk? Like as a team, maybe? If that’s okay.” 

Daichi glanced at Sugawara and nodded. “Yeah. Guys! Let’s talk!” he yelled, silencing everyone in a second. Slowly, everyone gathered around the bench where Tsukishima was still sitting. 

Of course, Hinata had to pick a day that not only was the entire team there, but Coach Ukai and Takeda were both there as well. The thought of announcing something like that to their team was stressful enough without two grown adults there to judge the situation as well. 

Tadashi let out a shaking breath as they met Tsukishima. “I’m gonna throw up.”

Tsukishima sighed, shooting a glare in Hinata’s direction. “You got this,” he assured, taking one of Tadashi’s hands and bringing it up to his mouth, pressing a gentle kiss to their knuckles.

Tadashi turned around, heart thumping even harder when they came face to face with the entire team. Tsukishima’s fingers stayed locked around theirs, holding tight as a reminder that he was still there.

“I think Tadashi had something that he wanted to talk to us about,” Daichi explained, casting Tadashi a warm smile. 

“Oh boy,” Tadashi muttered. “Okay. This is terrifying.”

Everyone laughed, though it was collectively warm. This was Tadashi’s team. They were supportive of everything they’d ever tried to do. They’d be supportive of this, too. Surely they would be supportive of this too. 

“I guess it’s been noticed by Hinata and therefore, probably by everyone else-” Another collective laugh while Hinata crossed his arms and faked a pout. “That Tsukki has been referring to me by they and them recently. And I think that it’s only fair that you guys also know that it’s because I think am nonbinary. That means I go by they/them pronouns instead of he/him pronouns.”

There was a lull of silence. Tadashi glanced at all of their teammates, grateful that no one looked angry or disgusted like they’d prepared themself for. 

“So does that mean you don’t have a gender?” Tanaka questioned carefully when no one else spoke up.

Tadashi nodded. “Yeah, pretty much. I just don’t really feel like I identify with being male or female. I’m just in the middle of both, or neither of them, I guess.”

“You’re staying on the team, right?” Hinata asked nervously.

“Yeah! Why wouldn’t I?”

“Well, because we’re the boy’s volleyball team and you’re not a boy, right?” 

“Well, yeah, but there’s not really a team that I could join otherwise,” Tadashi laughed, feeling Tsukishima’s eye roll even though they weren’t looking at him. “You guys are my team, I’m not going to quit. I promise.”

Nishinoya put his hand in the air excitedly. “Can I ask a question?”

“I’ve got one, too,” Kageyama added.

“Me three,” Yachi said, her face burning red. “If that’s okay.” 

Tadashi felt the smile on their face growing, just like it had the day they’d told Tsukishima. All of a sudden, all of the most important people in Tadashi’s life were on their side.

“Yeah, Noya?” Tadashi said.

“Well, I was just wondering if you’re still Tsukishima’s boyfriend if you’re nonbinary? Or would you rather be called his partner or something?”

Tanaka’s face broke out into a grin. “That’d be cool! Like partners in crime!”

Nishinoya nodded, slapping his arm. “Bro! That’s exactly what I was thinking!” 

“Does everything have to be illegal or gross with you two?” Tsukishima grumbled while Tadashi laughed.

“We already talked about that, actually,” Tadashi admitted. “I think I’m okay with still being his boyfriend, but you never know. Maybe that’ll change later on. It’s just a personal preference. I like the label and he doesn’t mind it.”

“Can I ask my question?” Kageyama asked when everyone seemed to come to an understanding. Tadashi nodded. “So, my sister has a friend that’s nonbinary in college and they wear a lot of skirts and dresses, but also wear suits and guy’s clothes sometimes. Do you do that too?”

“I’m just gonna wear what I feel comfortable in. Sometimes that might be more feminine than what you guys have seen me in before…” 

Tsukishima squeezed Tadashi’s hand, obviously sensing the nerves bubbling up all over again. “And you’ll look great in anything you wear.” 

“I’ve got a store I’m going to take you to,” Sugawara told Tadashi, smiling.

“Is it the-”

“Yes,” he said before Daichi got the chance to ask. “Definitely is.”

“I’m sure Yachi and I can go shopping with you sometimes too,” Kiyoko added. She waved a hand in the general direction of the rest of the team. “I worry about what they’d try to put you in if you went with them.” 

“Rude! I have great fashion taste,” Nishinoya agreed.

“Noya, you wear the same thing every single day,” Asahi snorted.

“That’s not true!”

The team burst into arguments about how it most definitely was very true and it was several minutes before Nishinoya relented. 

“Anyway,” Coach Ukai interrupted, turning the focus back to Tadashi. “Yachi wanted to ask something?”

She nodded a little. “Well, yeah. I was wondering if you were thinking about changing your name? I know people do that sometimes.”

Tadashi shrugged. “I like my name. But maybe someday I won’t. We’ll see.” 

Takeda stepped forward a bit, making himself known. “Tadashi, if it isn’t crossing any boundaries -and you can tell me if it is- I could mention your new pronouns to your teachers if you’d like. I’d hate for them to misgender you if it can be avoided and I’m sure none of them are going to mind. I’d be glad to help with that process in any way that I can.” 

“I’ll also mention it to the other coaches,” Coach Ukai said, patting their shoulder. “So it isn’t a problem during training camps and games and stuff. We can have them talk to their teams about it if it’s okay with you.”

For a moment, the only movement Tadashi could feel in the entirety of the gym was their heart pounding in their chest, rattling their ribcage. Their bottom lip quivered and Tadashi dropped their head, covering their eyes so the others couldn’t see the tears rolling down their face. 

“Tadashi,” Tsukishima whispered, squeezing their hand. “Hey-” 

Tadashi pulled their hands apart and stepped up to Takeda, pulling him into a tight hug. They buried their face in his shoulder. “Thank you.” 

Takeda hugged Tadashi back, patting their back. “You’re not alone in this transition. Every single one of us is going to have your back in whatever challenges might arise.” 

Tadashi pulled away, wiping their eyes and smiling. “I never thought that I’d have this kind of support, I guess. That’s why I kept it to myself for so long. I didn’t want everyone to look at me differently because I’m still me. I’m more me now than I was before.”

“Awe, Tadashi,” Sugawara cooed, wiping his own eyes. “You’re gonna make me cry.”

“You’re already crying!” Asahi pointed out, earning an elbow to the stomach from Sugawara. 

“I’m a proud mom, leave me alone!”

“I’m proud of you,” Tanaka said, pulling Tadashi into a side hug. “Takes a lot of guts to come up here and do what you just did.”

“I’m proud too!” Hinata said, joining the hug. “I think this is super cool! I’ve never met anyone who’s nonblindary before.”

“It’s nonbinary, dumbass!” Kageyama grumbled, slapping Hinata over the back of the head but joining the hug as well. “He’s right, though. It is pretty damn cool.” 

One by one, the entire team joined into the hug, Sugawara and Yachi both crying just as much as Tadashi. Tadashi was even half convinced that Coach Ukai was shedding a few tears as well, though they didn’t bring it up, worried for their coach’s sense of pride.

The rest of practice went on as normal, though Tadashi caught onto the way that the team was doing their best to say they instead of he or trying to find gender neutral nicknames to use instead of bro or dude. 

Tanaka and Nishinoya had decided that aggressively yelling ‘baby’ in angry voices worked well considering it made Tadashi laugh every time, and it was completely gender-neutral.

Tsukishima didn’t like it as much, though he didn’t say anything to them. He was too happy that they were doing their best to adjust to their newfound knowledge to yell at them that he was Tadashi’s boyfriend and therefore, the only one allowed to call them ‘baby’. 

“If I say guys to the group as a whole, is that okay with you?” Daichi asked in the club room when everyone was packing up to leave. “Kiyoko and Yachi are normally included in that as well.”

Tadashi thought for a moment before nodding. “I think in the context of referring to a group, ‘guys’ is gender-neutral. Either way, that doesn’t bother me.”

Daichi smiled and nodded. “Cool. In that case, goodnight guys!”

“Bye!” everyone called back. 

Slowly, the club room cleared out and Tadashi and Tsukishima were the only ones left while Tsukishima cleaned off his glasses before changing out of his sports goggles.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

Tadashi couldn’t help but smile. “Great.” 

“Even with everyone asking you questions about it?”

“Yeah, I’m glad they’re trying to learn about it. And they’re making sure that I’m okay with different things. It’ll make things easier in the long run.”

Tsukishima nodded, pulling off his goggles and replacing them with his glasses. He took Tadashi’s waist and pulled them into a tight hug. “I’m proud of you. You’re a fucking badass for what you did today, you know that?” 

“You think so?”

“I know so.” Tsukishima kissed Tadashi’s forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone asks for it I might post a second chapter where Tsukishima takes Tadashi shopping for the first time and Tadashi gets super emotional over a skirt. Only if enough people ask though  
> Anyway, thanks for reading, this made me soft


End file.
